“A study conducted at Harvard University many years ago revealed that people are happier when they’re in love. But, Japan is a loveless society so there isn’t much happiness here.”
Noriko Takeuchi, Japan
It is never wise to start a blog about dating with a quote from a fourteen year old, especially when the blog is aimed at telling you about the plight of Caribbean women who try to date in Japan. But, if at 14 years old Takeuchi-san can see the bleak prospects of the lovelessness in her homeland, I guess it’s only fair to use her words to set up the situation.
Now, let’s switch to my sistren, Kerry.
It is important to introduce her here because a Japanese colleague explained that the ideal image of beauty for the Japanese man is the type of woman who you’d see modeling on television. He believes once a woman is tall and thin, it doesn’t matter if she’s black or white, she won’t have problems dating anywhere in the world.
So, is Kerry dating in Japan? The answer is yes.
A quick scroll down her timeline will reveal numerous pics of ‘bae’.
She is not crazy. In fact, she is one of the sanest persons I know; but Noriko’s theory, along with my sistah-girl dating a celebrity (in her head) kinda begs you to see that the situation here is dismal.
Now, let’s switch again. Let’s move to my other sistren Sandra (name changed to protect identity).
She’s a big-breasted, thick-thighed, ample buttocks Jamaican woman who has tried to date in Japan. After sharing Noriko’s quote, I asked her if she believes it is difficult to date because Japan is a loveless society. Her answer was a resonant, yes.
She said, “Most people in Japan are unhappy and 95% of these marriages are borne out of every other need ‘cept the need for love.”
When asked if she would marry a Japanese man, her answer was a resonant, no.
“They’re too close-minded.” She said. “A Japanese man believes that a woman’s place is in the kitchen and she is only there to entertain and speak when spoken to. That could never work for me as a woman.”
Sandra admits that she has had local Japanese men approach her, but feels it is more out of a curiosity to know what a big ass and big breasts feel like.
“Everyone wants to try a black girl. Japanese men are no exception. I believe the aim is to exoticize me, not have a relationship with me.”
Lastly, I asked her to comment on the fact that black men in Japan don’t seem to date black women. Sandra believes this is so because a large number of black men are of the impression that black women are ‘too strong’ and the Japanese woman is meeker, more docile and overall more accommodating than a black woman. She states that this suits them as it gives them a fake sense of power. She also went on to explain that most times, “It is only after the ring is on her finger that the Japanese woman reveals her ‘true’ self”.
On the matter of ‘true’ selves being revealed, let’s close this by switching to how one can really learn what’s on a Japanese man’s mind when his lips are loosened by a bit of wine.
A few weeks ago, minutes pass five, I’m sitting in a wine bar in Tokyo with my home girl and two Japanese men. We’re meeting them for the first time. She’s on a date. I’m there for the wine. After quick hellos and nervous laughter, we sat down. It’s awkward. A ‘check your phone every second because you have nothing to say’ sort of awkward. But, we’re saved by the wine. Two glasses in and everybody is talking, laughing and having a good time. Then, after furtive, almost shy observation, my friend’s date exclaimed, “Black girls not so bad. Even attractive too.”
“Rhatid,” that’s my inner-voice. “So, he didn’t see us as attractive before?”
I looked at my GF. Tried to convey my thoughts with my eyes, but before I could do that, the words are already out of her mouth, “You’re just now discovering this? You didn’t see us as attractive before?”
Jun said no.
He confessed that he didn’t see black women as attractive mostly because he was too shy to really look at them. But Akihiro on the other hand, Akihiro went in. He said he didn’t find black women attractive because of their hairstyles.
“Your hair is not straight like a Japanese woman or a white woman,” he said, “it looks kinda untidy.”
He added, that it’s common belief that black women didn’t wash their hair every day and that’s why he had no previous interest in dating them, but now that he’d met us, his views had changed. Plus, we were kawaii (Japanese word for cute), Kawaii like monchichi.
Ladies (and the two men who read my blog), just in case you were unable to identify the picture above, please note that a monchichi is a monkey. It was created as a doll for Japanese children by the Sekiguchi group who claim they created it to inspire respect and love in both children and adults.
Needless to say, home girl is pissed, and the partial smile on my face has shifted.
Jun, being the more perceptive of the two, sensed the sudden change and tried to ease the tension by explaining that Akihiro didn’t mean anything bad (which to me means he meant something bad because if he didn’t understand the implication then there wouldn’t be need for an explanation). He wanted us to understand that monchichi dolls were really very cute and loved in Japan and Akihiro was giving us a compliment.
By now, I’d had enough and GF was already on her way out the door. I thanked them for the wine, lied about having a great time and promised to stay in touch. But once we boarded our train, we vowed never to see them again.
And please, stay tuned. We’ll play catch up soon. And then, I’ll tell you why some Caribbean women aren’t DATING IN DUBAI.
As per usual, Live, Love and Laugh a lot!
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Images: Kerry-ann Slovaki